The date and time it is minus December 29th, 1991 at approximately seven o'clock in the morning equals my age.
I have a wonderful boyfriend named Jeff who is my everything.
I have an obsession with Marilyn Manson, Motionless in White, astronomy, science in general, and Stephen Hawking.
I am a physics major, astronomy minor, and I play the piano.
I love heavy metal.
I'll beat you in chess.
My personality type is INTJ.
I'm a raw vegan and I don't have a religion.
I am very misanthropic.
I'm chronically anorexic.
I would waste time telling you about who I am, yet I'd rather you find out by yourself.
People complain that anorexics, such as myself, promote an unhealthy lifestyle, yet they idolize the other extreme and say that those women are idols because they embrace their unhealthy lifestyles. Personally, I don’t promote my unhealthy lifestyle. I’m going to therapy and trying to gain some sort of a life back, and I’m taking initiative and trying to fix my problem. The only thing I do promote is seeking professional help and I highly promote critical thinking and intelligence. Anyways, as far as the whole Adel situation goes, exercise is healthy. The human body is suppose to move. It’s not suppose to be forced into a state of stagnation. I understand loving to eat. Every human being loves to eat, and if they don’t, they’re simply lying, but you should train your body to love to eat the right kinds of foods such as fruits, veggies, nuts, and whole grains. Not greasy, chemically enhanced, processed foods and animal products.
Moreover, one body type and one type of beauty shouldn’t be found to be superior to another. Sure, I don’t like curves and find curvy women such as Marilyn Monroe, Dita Von Teese, Kim Kardashian and others with similar body types to not be so beautiful, and would rather look at pictures of women like Nicole Richie, Mary Kate Olsen, or Kiera Knightley, but I don’t think my ideal of beauty is “right for everyone” if that makes sense. Everyone should be entitled to find whatever they want to be beautiful. It’s not your job to tell others that they are right or wrong. This goes for tastes in men or women or whatever you fancy also.
If anything, thin women are the most oppressed in the United States. I’m sick of people asking me if I want to eat and saying that I should put some meat on my bones. I am sick of people forcing me to go to gatherings that revolve around food when I’d rather be doing my own thing. To me, food is just something I need to consume in order to survive. It isn’t this amazing experience to be feasted upon like a gluttonous idiot. If I don’t want to eat, don’t force me to. If I don’t want to be curvy or fat just like every other bitch in this fucking country, don’t tell me I should be. I do eat when I need to eat, I do get my periods (for those freaks who think I don’t), I am happy without feeling the need to shove greasy animal products down my face, and I am perfectly okay.
Body acceptance… more like “fat people are better than skinny people, and we need to start getting the skinny people shoved up with food so that they can be accepted into society.”
Fuck that. I’m in love with my body, and I worked hard for it. Love is the ability to choose to make a sacrifice. I made a hell of a lot of sacrifices for my body, and I sure as hell am going to enjoy the skinny body that I have. If you think I represent a bad body image to weak minded girls because I’m not curvy and proud of it, then that is yours and those weak minded girls’ problem. Not mine.
I don’t like curves and the healthy female body. It looks disgusting to me, which is why I enjoy looking at skinnier women. Looking at curvy women actually triggers me into wanting to lose weight, but the thing is, I have self control and can differentiate between my eating disordered mind and my rational mind. I know, rationally, that just because I see a curvy woman, or a girl who is healthy, that doesn’t mean that I, over night, will become like that.
Everyone has a different perspective about what is beautiful. Curves on the female body isn’t mine, and I am not sorry about it.
I am at a low weight of 106.5 pounds to 107.0 pounds at my height of 5’7”, which is the lowest weight I can be at without severely putting my health or my life at risk.
Right now, I can honestly say that I think I look perfect, and I think I look beautiful. I eat healthily (small portions, but healthy vegan foods), I am on my way to getting my PhD, I have an amazing boyfriend, and I am, for the most part, happy with my life.
I found a way to satisfy both my anorexia and my desire to live a fulfilling life as an intellectual.
Everyone is different. Just because my lifestyle works for me, doesn’t mean it will work for you.
How I get messages every other day from “body positive” or “body acceptance” people who tell me that I’m not allowed to find someone to be beautiful because they have an eating disorder. So anyone who has an eating disorder isn’t beautiful? That’s insane. I hope these people know that over eating is another type of eating disorder. They’re being hypocrites in that they are supporting one over the other. Moreover, aren’t these people suppose to be “body positive”? Do you think telling women who are very thin, regardless if they have an eating disorder or not, that they’re not beautiful, is very body positive?
Anyways, I’m sick of responding to these messages, so this is my last response (hopefully):
I am allowed to find whatever I want to be beautiful. Quite simply, I don’t find fat or curves on the female body to be beautiful, so my eyes are more drawn to thinner women. This is not because the media thrust this way of thinking on me. It’s because people, naturally, have different perspectives of what beauty is, as well as what they find to be physically (as well as mentally) acceptable. When I re-blog pictures of thin women, it’s because I find them to be pleasing to look at, and so I feel that they make my blog look better for my own amusement. This is my blog, and I am allowed to post or re-blog whatever I wish to. If you don’t like what I post, you have every right to click the “unfollow” button, or to not follow me at all. I won’t be hurt by it. I am not, nor did I ever claim to be, part of the body acceptance or body positive movement. I actually find the idea of babying women by telling them that “everyone is beautiful” or “everyone is special in their own way” to be repulsive and degrading. I am not a babysitter, nor do I feel the need to cater to anyone’s low self esteem. If anything I say, post, think, or do offends you, that isn’t my fault. It’s yours, and I never have and never will censor myself for anyone or to protect anyone’s feelings.
That will be all.
Starving yourself makes you fat. It freaks the body out and makes it retain everything you eat because it thinks that you’re going through a food scarcity problem, and that you need to hold onto any source of energy that your body can get. Your body, then, stores this energy as fat. Teaching your body that there is food around you, and eating little vegan meals or healthy vegan snacks that are easily digestible and easily recognizable to the human body will boost your metabolism, keep you feeling full and satisfied, while helping you get and keep skinny.
Just like being fat is a decision. You have a choice to eat processed, hard to digest, unhealthy, animal based foods that make you fat. I’m thin, and I don’t consider it a privilege because I fucking worked for it. I made the decision to be thin. Also, I’m not ashamed to admit that I think appearances matter. If you want me to take you seriously, I want to see physical proof that you take yourself seriously. I don’t think a person who gorges on fatty foods and doesn’t take care of themselves takes themselves seriously, so it’s hypocritical, in my opinion, to expect me to take them seriously. I understand that thin people can be unhealthy as well, yet it seems more acceptable in society to call thin people, especially women, privileged, bitches, whores, sluts, anorexic, conceited, ugly, vain, etc. Gosh, no wonder why I’m so misanthropic. People are fucking idiots.
So when people tell me that I’d still be skinny if I gained 5 to 15 pounds, I get frustrated. Yeah, okay. I was once 5 to 15 pounds heavier, and I didn’t think I was fucking skinny at all. What makes you think that I’d want to go back to where I was? Does that make sense? No. Also, I’m sick of people telling me that I’d be happier if I put on weight. I was more miserable when I was, in my opinion, fat, than I am now. Moreover, I’m sick of people saying to me “If you think you’re/ you were fat, you must think I’m huge.” Well, not to be too brutally honest, but use your rationality. If I think I’m/ I was fat, chances are, I think you’re fat as well. Sorry to break it to you, yet that’s just the truth. In addition, I am sick and tired of people telling me that curves are beautiful or a good thing. No, they’re not. If you need a fucking body acceptance movement just to make curvy women feel good about themselves, chances are, deep down, they hate being curvy. I’m not sorry that I actually am in the minority of women that are skinny and can fit into size 0 to 2 clothing without sucking in my stomach or fat, and that I have the measurements of a runway model. I’m not giving that up to be a part of the insecure majority. For the record, I am not insecure about my body. I’m just a hardcore perfectionist, and I don’t accept being just average or normal with regards to anything. Including my body and weight. Finally, I don’t give a fuck if guys like curves or something they can grab onto. I’m not in a rush to find someone, considering I’m more goal oriented, and so if a guy truly wants to be with me, they’ll have to accept me for the size I am. I’m not gaining a chubby disgusting ass, huge thighs, and fat, saggy, breasts for anyone. Sorry.
Am I a fucking idiot? I now weigh 108.2 pounds at my height of 5’7” which means I most likely won’t weigh exactly 107.0 tomorrow, and won’t get to eat much for breakfast tomorrow. I hate the female body. It’s the most ugly looking thing on the face of this planet. Thankfully, I’m straight. Curves… haha… more like chunks of worthless, ugly fat that lucky men don’t have to deal with.
The strange thing is, I really don’t care.
You’re only going to fuck up your metabolism, and wind up bloating, as well as retaining everything you do eat when you go back to eating normally. Also, the more you restrict your calories, the more binges your bound to engage in, since it’s your body’s psychotic way of getting all of your nutrients since it doesn’t trust you enough to feed it. It’s not about the calories, but the food you consume. Eat as close to nature as possible and your body will reward you with a skinny body, and a functional brain.
Don’t trust me? I’m 5’7”, 107 pounds, a size 0 to a size 3, and I’ve had abs since I was 16.
30 to 31 inch “hips” (I don’t have any hips.)
24 inch waist
29 to 30 inch “bust”
16 inch thighs
34 inch long legs
long lanky arms
With a rectangular/ pencil frame.
I don’t have a curvy figure, I am as thin as I possibly can get, I have narrow hips, and a medium to large bone structure, and it just is what it is. I’ve fully just accepted my body. I guess the only thing that I can improve is my mind.
Different people with anorexia get triggered by different things. While some anorexics might get triggered by looking at pictures of very skinny women, I get triggered by pictures of curvy women. I simply don’t like the female body because of what it and the fat on it “symbolizes” to me. Because of this strong dislike, which I don’t know the cause of, I starve myself, and feel immensely guilty all of the time for eating. I don’t feel like being triggered online anymore, nor do I feel like I have to. If I unfollow you, it’s because I find your blog to be triggering to me, or I simply do not enjoy what you post. I apologize if you find me to be a bad person because I hate what the curves on a woman’s body looks like and, to me, represents, but I have a mental illness that I cannot help, and this is how my mind works. I am getting better rapidly over the months (I’m allowed to stay at an underweight weight, since for my bone structure and height, it is fine with regards to my body) and I don’t feel like letting something as silly as pictures online to ruin it.
Furthermore, just because I have a mental illness that makes me think curves aren’t enjoyable, or attractive, or whatever the fuck my illness tends to tell me, doesn’t make it true. It’s called an illness for a reason. If you’re a curvy woman, and love your body, I am happy for you, and I hope you continue to feel positive about yourself. Same goes to skinny women, average women, and muscular woman.
Thank you for understanding (if you do),
So, it’s not that I’m pro-anorexia, but I just post thin women to cover up all of the curvy ones that others post. I worked so fucking hard for my thinness and I fear waking up and weighing myself to see that I’m curvy.