Someone please kill me.

Now it’s hard and painful to move my neck and to function. Jeezzz.

I hate how nothing ever fits me. Everything is made for women with curves which I don’t have and don’t want to have. Well, women with curves, you unfortunately won and now the world only caters to you and your clothing needs. I guess I’m not a “real woman” according to the fucking people who design clothing. Well, fuck them.

If you’re a supporter of something and for something, wouldn’t you want to post pictures and type about how awesome it is and how happy it makes you? I mean if you truly were an advocate for the “anorexic lifestyle” like you claim to be, you’d post pictures of how happy anorexics are, how being anorexic is the best thing in the world, you’d type about how happy you are to be a part of this lifestyle, etc.

It seems like most of you aren’t “pro anorexia” or “pro ana”, but whinny sophomoric teenage or preteen girls who just desperately want attention by faking having an eating disorder. I’m sorry, but “I had a salad for dinner! I’m so anorexic!” or “I skipped dinner once! I’m so pro ana!” isn’t being anorexic. It’s being a fucking idiot. I personally recommend that you get professional mental help for wanting to seek attention in such a negative and immature way. 

I truly have anorexia, and although I honestly don’t hate it and I enjoy the results it gave/gives me, I am not an advocate of my eating disorder. I’d rather focus my attention or energy on being an advocate for science, critical thinking, and being “pro intelligence”. I don’t feel like pushing something that may be the reason someone dies upon them or saying that it’s okay. I may be fine and accepting that I have anorexia and that I enjoy the results, but to inflict or impose my dangerous lifestyle upon others and possibly cause someone to die from it is not responsible and something I’d feel morally right doing.

I think people need to learn how to think.

Awesome. Really fucking awesome. I love working so hard to accomplish a goal that I’ve wanted to accomplish since I was approximately 9 or 10 just to have people tell me that it’s wrong, selfish, egotistical, unhealthy, and vain, and then bitch to me about how I’m killing myself. Meanwhile, I have other people telling me how beautiful and skinny I am and how they envy my body, willpower, and determination. This makes me question what side of the coin is correct. Most of the times, I think the second side is and that the first side is just jealous that they don’t fit into the “club” of the very few in this country who can control what they put into their fucking mouths and who can control every aspect of their own bodies. Not on topic, but I’m getting fucking sick of people who vent to me about their self esteem issues and expect me to give them emotional support instead of brutal honesty. I used to have terrible self esteem. Know what didn’t help me? People who tried to stupidly comfort me by saying “You’re perfect the way you are.” Know what did help me? Fucking facing the reality of the situation and fixing the problem! Just like anything in life, to achieve high self esteem, you need to work hard at it! Stop being so fucking lazy and weak people! Moreover, I’m getting sick of the people who say to me “If you think you’re fat, you must think I’m huge!” Well, for one, I don’t think I’m fat. I just feel I always have room for improvement and to lose a bit of weight. For two, I think anyone who has a bmi of over approximately 17 is fat. I find answering that implied question is a huge waste of my fucking time because you should already know the answer and I don’t feel like lying to you and saying “No. You look fine.” when I don’t actually think that. Anyways, this has been a morning venting session. That’s all I have to say. Bye.

And if people think I’m being a bitch for being brutally honest about how I feel, then I guess so be it. At least I’m not being fake.

Two words: Balsamic Vinegar. 

Why? Only 20 calories per tablespoon and one tablespoon of it can suppress appetite, reduce frequency of headaches, decrease fatigue and anemia, and can help aide in boosting one’s metabolism. Moreover, minerals in balsamic vinegar have been shown to strengthen bones to reduce the risk of developing osteoporosis, which is a bone loss disease that anorexics face the risks of developing later in life.

Moral of this story: A tablespoon of balsamic vinegar can be found to be beneficial in weight loss/ management, keeping one alert, and can improve one’s bone strength.

After a long discussion with my therapist, we both agreed that therapy isn’t doing anything for me. I want to move on with my life and I’ve learned how to be anorexic while having other things going on in my life. She and I both feel that we’re wasting my parents money because they probably expect her to help completely cure me of this eating disorder, and we both discussed that this is not going to happen. Maybe in the future, when I can pay for my own therapy, I’ll start going to see her or someone else again, but until then, I find it wrong to “steal” from my parents, especially when anorexia isn’t going to go away.

So, to finally put a “cap on the bottle” of this situation, I am anorexic. I don’t SUFFER with anorexia because I don’t feel like I’m actually suffering most of the time, and I don’t feel like labeling myself as a “sufferer”. I have found ways to have anorexia while living a semi-normal life. Recovery isn’t for everyone. Thinking so is making a false generalization. I’d rather accept who I am and my limitations rather than being forced to fit a body type or mentality that simply just isn’t me or isn’t who I am. I feel that being honest with myself is the least I can do, and it feels nice finally being free of all of this pressure.

Just me… because why the fuck not.

It seems like every anoretic I know personally is working for a PhD or is going into some difficult field of study. I never met a person with anorexia who wasn’t determined. So, anoretics aren’t losers. They aren’t failures. They are just sick.

I’d rather live at 107 to 108 pounds at my height of 5’7”, than be triggered and lose more weight and die. I’d say sorry for unfollowing, yet I’m really not.